l'arte è nella mente

I feel like my mind & soul are dead but my heart still beats, still loves, still gets hurt, forgives, and endure life’s ugly side.

I have never in my whole life felt so broken and useless. I feel like I should not even be here, living. That’s what I get for being so generous, so thoughtful, so patient.

I take in so much beatings mentally and physically. I’m just some punchbag to everyone it seems. I love you sooo much, & you cannot even see that. I hate it how when things aren’t your way I suffer for it. I’m finally standing up to you the way you wanted me too but you just shoot me down.

I guess when I say I really love you to death then I mean it. I feel as though I’m never going to be able to stop myself from loving you

I cry when I see the person I love the most & the person who promised me they would never hurt me or leave me hanging, just give up on me. I love twice as much that way it makes up for your lack of love towards me. Ill write a story about me and you one day, regardless if you’re still with me or not.

Ill be the boy who never stopped loving you and became that lonely old man who kept you in his thoughts. & died of a heart-attack3

No one can ever change the way I feel for you. I always appreciated everything you’ve done.

I’m not the most the most charming person I’m not wealthy neither is my family We’re poor Everything we own, we’ve had to work for nothing was ever given We’re not family oriented because we were taught to hold our emotions I’m not the smartest guy either I only offer my dedication, time, and money that I make from working

But today is the die were I was killed I know I messed up everything for you back then You would have never had to deal with any of this if it weren’t for me I guess when you tell me I was a mistake and the dumbest decision you’ve made in your whole life is not because of anger or heat of the moment Its the actual truth in your eyes I’m sorry for everything that I put you through And each day I tried to make up for that

And ill be making it up for as long as I live it seems I’m sorry how I could not let you go so easily And how I fought for you I’m sorry that you don’t love me anymore and never ever recall any moment being happy with me

I’m sorry that you doubt and leave me hangin just as my real father did when I was 3, & How my brother peter who I looked out for throughout my whole life betrayed me for my stepdad

I’m sorry that you don’t want to be a part of my life anymore I’m sorry for holding on to the only person I have in my life whom I love so much

I question my existence nowadays, seems like everyone would have been just as good without me in their life. I’m sorry that no matter what my heart always holds its lonely broken beaten down door open for you. I knew I was right when I say I love you more

Sorry for being the one thing in your life that you regret.

Thanks for pretending,
Thanks for leading me to believe you,
Thanks for acting like you cared,

Most of all thanks for leaving me to cope w/ everything by myself

Thanks for treating me the way you said you would never would treat me.

And I still love you to death

I’m witnessing myself slowly fade away from your heart.. It sucks.

If only you knew how much you mean to me

I’m tired of pretending like everything’s all fine and dandy. I’m tired of being pushed away like I’m some type of stranger. & Most of all I’m tired of not being heard by anyone or even listened to. That’s why I’m on TUMBLR so no one can see how the fuck I feel. But “no one gives a shit” anyways. I guess my words were to real for fb, didn’t want to put anyone on the spot. Well guess what? Everything I said were fucking true and you know deep down inside it is so you tell me “I’m immature” for posting stuff about how I feel on fb? What’s so immature about that? The only difference is that people would actually know what the fuck I’m talking about. You don’t want people to see you as something else well guess what? Your actions and everything you do already says who you are. Most important of all I know you’re going to read this and then write something negative back even though its not intended for a negative purpose its to inform you since thats all who ever pays attention to me on TUMBLR. But you don’t give a fuck though & that really shows who you are. I mean if you could continue to do wtf you want without thinking about how someone might feel then that already describes you.

It just pissses me off how much I write you’re still not going to care.

I’m not a perfect person

There’s many I wish I didn’t do

But I continue learning

I never meant to do those things to you

I don’t understand girls nowadays. All girls say they want a nice,respectful,sweet type of guy but when they actually do have one they tend to not fucking realize it. Its like they set up their expectations to high and when they do have something ideal to that their not sure wtf to do. I guess some girls set their standards high to make it seem like they have class but in reality they want some trashy ass dude who’s going to play them, disrespect them, and not give a fuck about them. Yeah I was one of those guys and ended up with nothing. Now I’m a more respectful more nice type of guy and still ended up getting the cold-shoulder

Some girls need to make up their fucking mind.